The History of Gin
or
A Fox's Tail
Is Life Existential? You Decide.
by ' Colorado ' Gumi
...I n s p i r e d By T r u e E v e n t s...
Chapter 2
Ginger in Wombderland
The interlude prior to birth was very productive for Ginger who, while certainly a precocious child, was an infinitely more precocious fetus. Undistracted by the vulgar outside world, her little light shone like a supernova.
Within the first hours of conception prepartum-Gin independently discovered and cataloged the Human Genome using stray bits of DNA she found drifting about; a task as yet not completed by hordes of scientists and legions of engineers spending piles of lawyers' steamy dough.
A day later she cracked the elusive Unified Field Theory and opened the door for humanity to faster-than-light speed, time travel and transmutation of matter. Incidentally she found and corrected several arithmetic errors in Albert Einstein's work on Relativity and communicated her progress to him via a permanent conduit for communion with the spirit-world that she established for that very purpose.
Reportedly, Dr. Einstein was tickled to receive the update and wished her all the best. Having mentioned he had been totally occupied in the years since his death with trying to balance his old check book, she did that for him, too.
Never a shallow thinker, prepartum-Gin devoted a few minutes to creation of the Unifying Precept for all religions and philosophies to guarantee unending peace, harmony and happiness amongst all beings, and indeed between all things, in each of the twelve universes she had mapped by that time.
Insisting that her work be known, she devised a means to transfer her wealth of discovery to the world at large. Forever a dependably clueless parent, Mister Mullins, in one of humanity's more notable lapses of perception, missed the point entirely by thinking prepartum-Gin's communication from the womb via Morse code was mere random kicking of her tiny leg. Undaunted and ever resourceful, she nonetheless maintained copious notes for posterity encoded in the molecules of the surrounding embryonic fluid.
At the very point of completing work on a time travel device to enable her to go back and undo all the bad ever done -- she had just added final notes to the engineer's fabrication drawings for the Interspatial Dimension-wide Flocculator subassembly and was discussing a prospective launch date with Bleezzzak-aug_53, the project's Pan-Temporal Architect -- the shakings, rattlings and rollings that herald commencement of birth in the human animal started. Caught completely unaware, having been inattentive during the Lamaze classes her parents attended, prepartum-Gin was not prepared for the subsequent rush of events.
With no recourse but to go with the flow, she found herself forcefully evacuated from her research complex in a jumble with all her work, notes and other achievements, including invaluable original art doodled during idle moments, her compendium and critique (composed in Middle English) of all human literature, and the final proof that Elvis was still alive. Thwarted in repeated attempts to return to her lab, Ginger found herself squirming naked on a stainless-steel tray; displayed under stark, unflattering lights for the amusement of onlookers and lay-abouts. Injury quickly followed insult when she was hoisted rudely by the ankles and a latex-encased hand drew back to strike.
As the traumatic slap on her tender tookus forever erased her prepartum memory, Ginger gaped in horror at the irreplaceable record of her research splashed pell-mell across the floor and dripping from the grubby doctor's loathsome hands. Terrorized, she emitted a first cry that curdled the blood of every soul in the hospital.
The last coherent, albeit incomplete, thought of prepartum-Gin had been, "I shall certainly sue that son-of-a ."
Within the first hours of conception prepartum-Gin independently discovered and cataloged the Human Genome using stray bits of DNA she found drifting about; a task as yet not completed by hordes of scientists and legions of engineers spending piles of lawyers' steamy dough.
A day later she cracked the elusive Unified Field Theory and opened the door for humanity to faster-than-light speed, time travel and transmutation of matter. Incidentally she found and corrected several arithmetic errors in Albert Einstein's work on Relativity and communicated her progress to him via a permanent conduit for communion with the spirit-world that she established for that very purpose.
Reportedly, Dr. Einstein was tickled to receive the update and wished her all the best. Having mentioned he had been totally occupied in the years since his death with trying to balance his old check book, she did that for him, too.
Never a shallow thinker, prepartum-Gin devoted a few minutes to creation of the Unifying Precept for all religions and philosophies to guarantee unending peace, harmony and happiness amongst all beings, and indeed between all things, in each of the twelve universes she had mapped by that time.
Insisting that her work be known, she devised a means to transfer her wealth of discovery to the world at large. Forever a dependably clueless parent, Mister Mullins, in one of humanity's more notable lapses of perception, missed the point entirely by thinking prepartum-Gin's communication from the womb via Morse code was mere random kicking of her tiny leg. Undaunted and ever resourceful, she nonetheless maintained copious notes for posterity encoded in the molecules of the surrounding embryonic fluid.
At the very point of completing work on a time travel device to enable her to go back and undo all the bad ever done -- she had just added final notes to the engineer's fabrication drawings for the Interspatial Dimension-wide Flocculator subassembly and was discussing a prospective launch date with Bleezzzak-aug_53, the project's Pan-Temporal Architect -- the shakings, rattlings and rollings that herald commencement of birth in the human animal started. Caught completely unaware, having been inattentive during the Lamaze classes her parents attended, prepartum-Gin was not prepared for the subsequent rush of events.
With no recourse but to go with the flow, she found herself forcefully evacuated from her research complex in a jumble with all her work, notes and other achievements, including invaluable original art doodled during idle moments, her compendium and critique (composed in Middle English) of all human literature, and the final proof that Elvis was still alive. Thwarted in repeated attempts to return to her lab, Ginger found herself squirming naked on a stainless-steel tray; displayed under stark, unflattering lights for the amusement of onlookers and lay-abouts. Injury quickly followed insult when she was hoisted rudely by the ankles and a latex-encased hand drew back to strike.
As the traumatic slap on her tender tookus forever erased her prepartum memory, Ginger gaped in horror at the irreplaceable record of her research splashed pell-mell across the floor and dripping from the grubby doctor's loathsome hands. Terrorized, she emitted a first cry that curdled the blood of every soul in the hospital.
The last coherent, albeit incomplete, thought of prepartum-Gin had been, "I shall certainly sue that son-of-a ."
To Be Continued
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