The History of Gin
or
A Fox's Tail
Is Life Existential? You Decide.
by ' Colorado ' Gumi
...I n s p i r e d By T r u e E v e n t s...
Chapter 4
12 Angry Men Meet One Pissed Woman
Ginger took to law like a raccoon to garbage pails. After coming across the second volume of Sir William Blackstone's four-volume "Commentaries on the Laws of England", she taught herself the law... before leaving High School. Initially stymied by an inability to pass a bar without going in -- and staying for several hours -- she finally passed the bar exam by selecting each answer with her eyes closed. It also helped that she bought several rounds for the house and was drunk herself. She considered moving to Springfield, Illinois and practicing law with Stephen T. Logan, just like Abraham Lincoln, but ever the iconoclast, she decided instead to attend the elite Cornell Law School in a brazen experiment to evaluate that institution's ability to teach law. She found they did an adequate job, although the cafeteria salad bar could have been better.
Ginger's first case, which was tried during the week of winter vacation in her junior year at Ayn Rand High School, caused a local sensation. Her client was a lady who had bitch-slapped and emasculated a shoe clerk that, at the time, had the balls to insist she try a size 9 Rene Caovilla sandal when she had said she wore a 7-1/2. Needless to say he no longer had those balls and Gin, incensed by such gauche, made it her "raison d'etre" to prove the act of removing them was completely justified.
Knowing of Gerry Spence and his trademark fringed leather coat, Gin decided to establish a signature outfit from the start. Briefly considering Oshkosh overalls, she finally settled on Day-Glo pink boob-tube, Hawaiian-print string bikini bottom and Cornell logo flip-flops. Far from being found in contempt when appearing in court thus attired, the judge, who was a closeted cross-dresser, bought the same outfit after the trial and secretly modeled it in his chambers for the bailiff and court reporter.
Gin's court manner was a mixture of the blind aggression and mindless bloodlust of her early Celtic forebears tempered with the stealth, surprise and mindless bloodlust of the Viking raiders who had introduced themselves, intimately, to her Irish kinswomen. ...She felt it better never, ever, to tap the passions of the Balkan side of her family.
Just to be perverse, she arranged for an all-male jury; twelve ostensibly honest citizens who had no idea what lay before them. As the trial unfolded, suffice it to say that Ginny not only had them eating out of her hand, they were trained to the leash, would do clever tricks at voice command, and were reliably housebroken. And although in her summation she did not specifically threaten anyone present with the massive claymore used by her Celtic ancestors to separate the heads from Englishmen, she did mention four times that it was outside in her car.
In the end these twelve men, who started the trial genuinely happy with the world, quickly transcended anger and settled on blind fury for the injured clerk. After the first ballot the jury reported that there was one holdout juror, whom they had hog-tied and gagged. After the second ballot they passed a note to the judge asking that the shoe clerk be sent to the jury room so they could kill him. At this point the judge felt obliged to give the jury additional instructions to the effect that the mob forming outside in the streets would deal with the clerk if he left the building alive, and after the third ballot, the defendant was acquitted, given treble damages and awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.
Ginger's first case, which was tried during the week of winter vacation in her junior year at Ayn Rand High School, caused a local sensation. Her client was a lady who had bitch-slapped and emasculated a shoe clerk that, at the time, had the balls to insist she try a size 9 Rene Caovilla sandal when she had said she wore a 7-1/2. Needless to say he no longer had those balls and Gin, incensed by such gauche, made it her "raison d'etre" to prove the act of removing them was completely justified.
Knowing of Gerry Spence and his trademark fringed leather coat, Gin decided to establish a signature outfit from the start. Briefly considering Oshkosh overalls, she finally settled on Day-Glo pink boob-tube, Hawaiian-print string bikini bottom and Cornell logo flip-flops. Far from being found in contempt when appearing in court thus attired, the judge, who was a closeted cross-dresser, bought the same outfit after the trial and secretly modeled it in his chambers for the bailiff and court reporter.
Gin's court manner was a mixture of the blind aggression and mindless bloodlust of her early Celtic forebears tempered with the stealth, surprise and mindless bloodlust of the Viking raiders who had introduced themselves, intimately, to her Irish kinswomen. ...She felt it better never, ever, to tap the passions of the Balkan side of her family.
Just to be perverse, she arranged for an all-male jury; twelve ostensibly honest citizens who had no idea what lay before them. As the trial unfolded, suffice it to say that Ginny not only had them eating out of her hand, they were trained to the leash, would do clever tricks at voice command, and were reliably housebroken. And although in her summation she did not specifically threaten anyone present with the massive claymore used by her Celtic ancestors to separate the heads from Englishmen, she did mention four times that it was outside in her car.
In the end these twelve men, who started the trial genuinely happy with the world, quickly transcended anger and settled on blind fury for the injured clerk. After the first ballot the jury reported that there was one holdout juror, whom they had hog-tied and gagged. After the second ballot they passed a note to the judge asking that the shoe clerk be sent to the jury room so they could kill him. At this point the judge felt obliged to give the jury additional instructions to the effect that the mob forming outside in the streets would deal with the clerk if he left the building alive, and after the third ballot, the defendant was acquitted, given treble damages and awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.
To Be Continued
