Not-Exactly-Chopped-Liver Fiction™
a could-be-worse division of None-Too-Shabby Enterpises, Ink
PRESENTS :
The History of Gin
or
A Fox's Tail©
Is Life Existential? You Decide.
by ' Colorado ' Gumi
...I n s p i r e d By T r u e E v e n t s...
Chapter 20
A Christmas Kal-El
or
A Fox's Tail©
Is Life Existential? You Decide.
by ' Colorado ' Gumi
...I n s p i r e d By T r u e E v e n t s...
Chapter 20
A Christmas Kal-El
Stave I - "LOOK!"
If Clark Kent hadn't moved from L.A. (which, oddly, he kept calling Metropolis) to New York City (which oddlier still, he called Gotham City) Ginger probably never would have met him. Even so it was an unlikely coincidence that she ran into him when exiting -- Gin preferred to think of it as "fleeing" -- the restroom at a Starbuck's off the corner of 56th and 5th Ave. (The Donald's corner).
It's not that Gin minded the "spells" she experienced occasionally in Starbuck's restrooms. No, it's not that at all. Actually she hated them.
Just the time before she'd popped into the restroom to check her make-up after spying Jon Stewart at the counter ordering a Triple Espresso Grande with extra foam and wound up standing ankle-deep in warm Woolly Mammoth pooh ...while wearing flip-flops. And this time she really, really had "to go" bad after chugging two Tres-Plus-Gross Frappuccinos. Hazarding another visit to the Starbuck's restroom, she found herself way back in Elizabethan England in a public house dandily dressed like a dude in doublet, slashed leather jerkin, paned trunk hose with codpiece and a stiff, circular ruff that jutted horizontally at least eight inches from her neck. Across the greasy table sat a guy, the spitting image of young William Shakespeare, pretending to study badly scrawled text on a paper but actually surreptitiously inching his toes up her leg. Instinctively she knocked his foot away while muttering a woman's timeless curse on the universal prevalence of "Ancient Roamin'" genes among men (thing is Shakespeare thought she was a dude, which says more about him than her). Realizing, thankfully, that the codpiece was empty this time but rather fancying the spiffy male attire, Gin had decided to play along. Corrected in thoughts about getting "lucky", Shakespeare returned to his writing and soon handled his scribblings to Gin, whom he apparently considered a good friend, and asked her opinion. Scanning the page -- having been schooled in speed-reading at Cornell and having always known Early-Modern English -- Ginny quickly realized she held the outline of a poorly-conceived gay pornographic treatise. First suggesting he title it "Hamlet" rather than "Hambone", Gin further advised her companion to forsake an uncertain future in "Adult Entertainment" (he was before his time) and urged him to direct his talents (such as they were) to the mass market by becoming a thespian/playwright/theatrical-producer/poet ...and thereby, aspire to honorificabilitudinitatibus (ironically, she had to define the word for this so-called "Bard of Avon").
Ginny then related the story of "Hamlet", which she remembered perfectly from high school, to get him started. And during her several week interlude in his time she also told Shakespeare the plots of other stories she knew including a movie she once saw called "Forbidden Planet" (he loved "Robby the Robot") and a play named "West Side Story." Truthfully. . .she didn't expect he'd amount to much -- Heck, if her improvements didn't take he wouldn't make a good "Dogcatcher of Avon", much less "Bard" of it.
Stave II - "Up in the Sky."
Gin was in the middle of telling Shakespeare the history of Julius Caesar, Cleopatra and Marc Antony, of which he was totally ignorant, when she found herself back standing at a toilet. Reacting quickly, she erupted from the restroom before Mastodon pooh reappeared and ran slap up against a dour dude at the door.
He was one solidly built fella. In her haste she'd plastered against him like a bug on a windshield and he didn't give an inch -- Gin thought it almost like running into a man made of steel. Apologies were followed by introductions (He was Clark Kent, she was Ginger Mullins) which were followed by invitations to sit, chat and imbibe deliciously refreshing cups of yummy Starbuck's coffee (their words, not mine). Sitting together drinking coffee it wasn't long before Clark was spilling his life story, including the really weird parts -- Gin has that effect on people ...must be her warm smile and jurisprudential wisdom (or maybe its just the fact she doesn't interrupt).
The short of it was that he'd just lost his job as a featured reporter at a paper in L.A. -- some scandal about disrobing down to his blue longjohns in the office -- and had moved to New York City to take a minimum-wage reporting job with some obscure rag of a community newspaper (I think it's called "The New York Times", or something). When he told her he actually lived in New Jersey for the cost-of-living Gin paused, colored a bit, then said she'd never been there. His wife, named Lois, had divorced him during the uproar and taken the dog, kids and house (which he kept calling his "Fortress of Solitude). Then he started in on the really strange stuff; exploding planets, fleeing rockets, crash landings, super powers, Kansas, corn as high as an elephant's eye... When Ginny (who definitely didn't believe the corn part... that was in OKLAHOMA!) piped up and said "Oh yeah, like in the comics.", he regarded her with blank incomprehension and continued. Turns out he was very depressed and lonely, especially with it being Christmas Eve -- He wasn't sure he could break on through, to the other side (Yes, Superman is a Doors fan.). Plus it had been snowing heavily all day and he admitted to being stranded on Manhattan. So Gin invited him to spend Christmas at her Upper East Side apartment... on the couch, of course (the same one I have to sleep on when I visit ...though I'm not necessarily alone).
As they walked to her apartment, Ginny -- who had a serious philosophical bent -- asked Clark about something she'd always wondered... was Superman at all akin to German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche's Ubermensch, which translates from the German literally as "overperson" but also means "superman"? Clark explained that Superman and the Ubermensch differed in many, if not most, ways. Nietzsche's human Ubermensch transcended that philosopher's claimed limitations of society, religion and morality and was not constrained by the bounds of ordinary human society. On the other hand Superman, though a super-powered space alien, chooses to accept the codes and mores of humankind and holds himself to a high standard in their adherence. The very fact that he lives life as the "human" Clark Kent, not Superman, proves his extreme deference to Human ways. ...Plus there was the fact that Nietzsche was a drunken asshole.
Gin felt it was kinda a pat answer -- maybe he'd seen that same "Kill Bill" movie, too -- Anyways, it didn't explain the brand-new Starbuck's mug he'd palmed and slipped in his jacket as they walked out. Regardless, the main thing was the mores of Clark's homeworld, Krypton, were basically the same as on Earth (except for the part about mandatory ritual group-sex orgies). And when you think about it, the similarity is a lucky break for us cause over at "The Twilight Zone" set they dreamed up Space Aliens that EAT humans and Superman just as easily could have been a people-eater like that if the guys who created him had been having a bad day. That consideration gave Ginny goose-pimples (which she actually finds a pleasant sensation, as do I).
Stave III - "It's a Bird."
The first thing about Clark Kent is... he's not "mild-mannered" at all. In fact, when he's hungry or tired he's damn mean. Fortunately he never pulled that stuff with Gin because she would've busted Superman's ass if he did. In fact, the whole night he was pleasant company. They even watched Ginny's old tape of "The Care Bears Movie" together and both cried at the same spots. Then they watched the old-timey movie of Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" on Turner Classic Movies.
One cool thing was Clark using his "heat vision" superpower to make the popcorn -- When Gin said how awesome that was, Clark didn't mention he'd been using his x-ray vision all night to look through her clothes and see her naked. It also was special when Clark, just before retiring for the night, thanked Ginny for her Christmas kindness and in his gratitude even asked her to call him by his real Superman name from Krypton... Kal-El.
Unfortunately, the other thing about Clark Kent is that Superman has a superhumanly loud snore, as Gin soon discovered once they'd wished each other Merry Christmas and parted. Eventually she drifted to sleep after plugging her ears with tampons. Thus insulated from the world, Ginny was unaware of the unusual proceedings in her apartment that night until Clark gently shook her awake at the crack of dawn and began a strange story.
Stave IV - "It's a Plane."
Clark first asked if her apartment had ghosts. She told him no, there weren't ghosts... except for the little dog named "Sam" that sometimes strolled through and talked to people in their dreams -- But he was more a demon than a ghost. Sam only tormented the guy down the hall and belonged to THAT apartment, but like all dogs, sometimes he wandered off. And Ginny wasn't surprised when Clark said that while he was undressing a strange man with a Celtic build had walked through the door...that is, through the door without opening it! Gin explained that was just her dad. It seems years ago her father had thought up a "transporter" thingy for his classic blockbuster video game, Doom II. Funny thing was, it worked in real life, too. He kept quiet about it because Paramount Studios holds the patent on transporters (these days Patent Law is a world of its own) as a legacy of purchasing Desilu and Star Trek and if anybody knew, he'd have to fork over huge royalties every time it's used. It all may sound far fetched but then her father IS a genius and (aside from me) the most brilliant man Ginny knows. Anyways, Clark told Gin that this guy walked through the door, tapped him on the shoulder and told him three ghosts would visit before morning. ...As he thought about it though, Clark admitted it had to be her dad because when he left the apparition said to turn off some of the lights, he wasn't Con Edison. Then at one o'clock the visitations started.
It wasn't anything like "A Christmas Carol." The ghosts appeared all together and they were the Three Stooges -- Larry, Curly and Moe -- not the ghosts of Christmas. And their visit didn't have much to do with rekindling the Christmas Spirit (after all, Clark was just a little low, not a Scrooge). In fact, instead of doing anything at all worthwhile the Stooges bickered the whole time. They also fixed her apartment's plumbing (a Stooge speciality) -- meaning that the plumbing doesn't work as bad as it used to, because now it doesn't work at all. Anywho, bottom line is now when you turn on the stove, water sprays across the kitchen and the toilet flushes. One good thing was that Clark couldn't sleep in all that commotion so he sat on the couch, had a good think and climbed out of his depression aided by reflection on Ginny's eager smile and warm heart -- Having secretly seen her firm bosoms all night long didn't hurt either.
Stave V - "It's SUPERMAN!"
On concluding his tale of the night's doings Clark pulled out the gift he went and got her after the Stooges left with Sam (the little dog). Gin's present was a ticket to Canada for a ski holiday including reservations for a week in a small rented house with two fireplaces. He'd also included tickets for several of her friends. Then he called out and a dude sauntered in (it was Manolo Blahnik!!) carrying a pair of high-fashion designer ski boots the fella had just custom handcrafted for her (they still exuded fragrant Mediterranean man-sweat). The boots fit perfect and felt dreamy.
Stave V-1/2 - The End of It
Ginny looked marvelous the whole week skiing ...although most the time she was sitting in snow.
If Clark Kent hadn't moved from L.A. (which, oddly, he kept calling Metropolis) to New York City (which oddlier still, he called Gotham City) Ginger probably never would have met him. Even so it was an unlikely coincidence that she ran into him when exiting -- Gin preferred to think of it as "fleeing" -- the restroom at a Starbuck's off the corner of 56th and 5th Ave. (The Donald's corner).
It's not that Gin minded the "spells" she experienced occasionally in Starbuck's restrooms. No, it's not that at all. Actually she hated them.
Just the time before she'd popped into the restroom to check her make-up after spying Jon Stewart at the counter ordering a Triple Espresso Grande with extra foam and wound up standing ankle-deep in warm Woolly Mammoth pooh ...while wearing flip-flops. And this time she really, really had "to go" bad after chugging two Tres-Plus-Gross Frappuccinos. Hazarding another visit to the Starbuck's restroom, she found herself way back in Elizabethan England in a public house dandily dressed like a dude in doublet, slashed leather jerkin, paned trunk hose with codpiece and a stiff, circular ruff that jutted horizontally at least eight inches from her neck. Across the greasy table sat a guy, the spitting image of young William Shakespeare, pretending to study badly scrawled text on a paper but actually surreptitiously inching his toes up her leg. Instinctively she knocked his foot away while muttering a woman's timeless curse on the universal prevalence of "Ancient Roamin'" genes among men (thing is Shakespeare thought she was a dude, which says more about him than her). Realizing, thankfully, that the codpiece was empty this time but rather fancying the spiffy male attire, Gin had decided to play along. Corrected in thoughts about getting "lucky", Shakespeare returned to his writing and soon handled his scribblings to Gin, whom he apparently considered a good friend, and asked her opinion. Scanning the page -- having been schooled in speed-reading at Cornell and having always known Early-Modern English -- Ginny quickly realized she held the outline of a poorly-conceived gay pornographic treatise. First suggesting he title it "Hamlet" rather than "Hambone", Gin further advised her companion to forsake an uncertain future in "Adult Entertainment" (he was before his time) and urged him to direct his talents (such as they were) to the mass market by becoming a thespian/playwright/theatrical-producer/poet ...and thereby, aspire to honorificabilitudinitatibus (ironically, she had to define the word for this so-called "Bard of Avon").
Ginny then related the story of "Hamlet", which she remembered perfectly from high school, to get him started. And during her several week interlude in his time she also told Shakespeare the plots of other stories she knew including a movie she once saw called "Forbidden Planet" (he loved "Robby the Robot") and a play named "West Side Story." Truthfully. . .she didn't expect he'd amount to much -- Heck, if her improvements didn't take he wouldn't make a good "Dogcatcher of Avon", much less "Bard" of it.
Stave II - "Up in the Sky."
Gin was in the middle of telling Shakespeare the history of Julius Caesar, Cleopatra and Marc Antony, of which he was totally ignorant, when she found herself back standing at a toilet. Reacting quickly, she erupted from the restroom before Mastodon pooh reappeared and ran slap up against a dour dude at the door.
He was one solidly built fella. In her haste she'd plastered against him like a bug on a windshield and he didn't give an inch -- Gin thought it almost like running into a man made of steel. Apologies were followed by introductions (He was Clark Kent, she was Ginger Mullins) which were followed by invitations to sit, chat and imbibe deliciously refreshing cups of yummy Starbuck's coffee (their words, not mine). Sitting together drinking coffee it wasn't long before Clark was spilling his life story, including the really weird parts -- Gin has that effect on people ...must be her warm smile and jurisprudential wisdom (or maybe its just the fact she doesn't interrupt).
The short of it was that he'd just lost his job as a featured reporter at a paper in L.A. -- some scandal about disrobing down to his blue longjohns in the office -- and had moved to New York City to take a minimum-wage reporting job with some obscure rag of a community newspaper (I think it's called "The New York Times", or something). When he told her he actually lived in New Jersey for the cost-of-living Gin paused, colored a bit, then said she'd never been there. His wife, named Lois, had divorced him during the uproar and taken the dog, kids and house (which he kept calling his "Fortress of Solitude). Then he started in on the really strange stuff; exploding planets, fleeing rockets, crash landings, super powers, Kansas, corn as high as an elephant's eye... When Ginny (who definitely didn't believe the corn part... that was in OKLAHOMA!) piped up and said "Oh yeah, like in the comics.", he regarded her with blank incomprehension and continued. Turns out he was very depressed and lonely, especially with it being Christmas Eve -- He wasn't sure he could break on through, to the other side (Yes, Superman is a Doors fan.). Plus it had been snowing heavily all day and he admitted to being stranded on Manhattan. So Gin invited him to spend Christmas at her Upper East Side apartment... on the couch, of course (the same one I have to sleep on when I visit ...though I'm not necessarily alone).
As they walked to her apartment, Ginny -- who had a serious philosophical bent -- asked Clark about something she'd always wondered... was Superman at all akin to German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche's Ubermensch, which translates from the German literally as "overperson" but also means "superman"? Clark explained that Superman and the Ubermensch differed in many, if not most, ways. Nietzsche's human Ubermensch transcended that philosopher's claimed limitations of society, religion and morality and was not constrained by the bounds of ordinary human society. On the other hand Superman, though a super-powered space alien, chooses to accept the codes and mores of humankind and holds himself to a high standard in their adherence. The very fact that he lives life as the "human" Clark Kent, not Superman, proves his extreme deference to Human ways. ...Plus there was the fact that Nietzsche was a drunken asshole.
Gin felt it was kinda a pat answer -- maybe he'd seen that same "Kill Bill" movie, too -- Anyways, it didn't explain the brand-new Starbuck's mug he'd palmed and slipped in his jacket as they walked out. Regardless, the main thing was the mores of Clark's homeworld, Krypton, were basically the same as on Earth (except for the part about mandatory ritual group-sex orgies). And when you think about it, the similarity is a lucky break for us cause over at "The Twilight Zone" set they dreamed up Space Aliens that EAT humans and Superman just as easily could have been a people-eater like that if the guys who created him had been having a bad day. That consideration gave Ginny goose-pimples (which she actually finds a pleasant sensation, as do I).
Stave III - "It's a Bird."
The first thing about Clark Kent is... he's not "mild-mannered" at all. In fact, when he's hungry or tired he's damn mean. Fortunately he never pulled that stuff with Gin because she would've busted Superman's ass if he did. In fact, the whole night he was pleasant company. They even watched Ginny's old tape of "The Care Bears Movie" together and both cried at the same spots. Then they watched the old-timey movie of Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" on Turner Classic Movies.
One cool thing was Clark using his "heat vision" superpower to make the popcorn -- When Gin said how awesome that was, Clark didn't mention he'd been using his x-ray vision all night to look through her clothes and see her naked. It also was special when Clark, just before retiring for the night, thanked Ginny for her Christmas kindness and in his gratitude even asked her to call him by his real Superman name from Krypton... Kal-El.
Unfortunately, the other thing about Clark Kent is that Superman has a superhumanly loud snore, as Gin soon discovered once they'd wished each other Merry Christmas and parted. Eventually she drifted to sleep after plugging her ears with tampons. Thus insulated from the world, Ginny was unaware of the unusual proceedings in her apartment that night until Clark gently shook her awake at the crack of dawn and began a strange story.
Stave IV - "It's a Plane."
Clark first asked if her apartment had ghosts. She told him no, there weren't ghosts... except for the little dog named "Sam" that sometimes strolled through and talked to people in their dreams -- But he was more a demon than a ghost. Sam only tormented the guy down the hall and belonged to THAT apartment, but like all dogs, sometimes he wandered off. And Ginny wasn't surprised when Clark said that while he was undressing a strange man with a Celtic build had walked through the door...that is, through the door without opening it! Gin explained that was just her dad. It seems years ago her father had thought up a "transporter" thingy for his classic blockbuster video game, Doom II. Funny thing was, it worked in real life, too. He kept quiet about it because Paramount Studios holds the patent on transporters (these days Patent Law is a world of its own) as a legacy of purchasing Desilu and Star Trek and if anybody knew, he'd have to fork over huge royalties every time it's used. It all may sound far fetched but then her father IS a genius and (aside from me) the most brilliant man Ginny knows. Anyways, Clark told Gin that this guy walked through the door, tapped him on the shoulder and told him three ghosts would visit before morning. ...As he thought about it though, Clark admitted it had to be her dad because when he left the apparition said to turn off some of the lights, he wasn't Con Edison. Then at one o'clock the visitations started.
It wasn't anything like "A Christmas Carol." The ghosts appeared all together and they were the Three Stooges -- Larry, Curly and Moe -- not the ghosts of Christmas. And their visit didn't have much to do with rekindling the Christmas Spirit (after all, Clark was just a little low, not a Scrooge). In fact, instead of doing anything at all worthwhile the Stooges bickered the whole time. They also fixed her apartment's plumbing (a Stooge speciality) -- meaning that the plumbing doesn't work as bad as it used to, because now it doesn't work at all. Anywho, bottom line is now when you turn on the stove, water sprays across the kitchen and the toilet flushes. One good thing was that Clark couldn't sleep in all that commotion so he sat on the couch, had a good think and climbed out of his depression aided by reflection on Ginny's eager smile and warm heart -- Having secretly seen her firm bosoms all night long didn't hurt either.
Stave V - "It's SUPERMAN!"
On concluding his tale of the night's doings Clark pulled out the gift he went and got her after the Stooges left with Sam (the little dog). Gin's present was a ticket to Canada for a ski holiday including reservations for a week in a small rented house with two fireplaces. He'd also included tickets for several of her friends. Then he called out and a dude sauntered in (it was Manolo Blahnik!!) carrying a pair of high-fashion designer ski boots the fella had just custom handcrafted for her (they still exuded fragrant Mediterranean man-sweat). The boots fit perfect and felt dreamy.
Stave V-1/2 - The End of It
Ginny looked marvelous the whole week skiing ...although most the time she was sitting in snow.
To Be Continued
